Throw the bums out...

I have made a habit over the past six or seven years to see every film nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. I don't always agree with the winners or even the nominations, but at least I guarantee myself an understanding of the films present in the broader popular consciousness. For example, my favorite films of the last two years (The Constant Gardener and Pan's Labyrinth) were not nominated for Best Picture by the Academy. Their loss.

Anyway, today I saw There Will Be Blood Paul Thomas Anderson's latest work and in doing so, pretty much guaranteed that I would have seen each Best Picture nominee before the Oscars on February 25th. It was a staggering work that demands Academy attention in some way, although I would give No Country for Old Men the Oscar if the awards were today. This post, however, is not to review these movies or handicap the Oscar race. Instead, I would like to mourn the loss of one of my favorite pastimes: going to the movies.

One of my favorite things to do is watch movies. I own well over 200 DVDs and so far this year I have seen six movies in theaters and watched nearly twenty overall. I love movies. No longer, however, do I enjoy going to a theater to watch a movie. More times than I care to count in the last few years have movie going experiences been ruined by the multitude of vapid fools that pepper cineplexes across the country. Cinderella Man, Babel, Atonement, Sideways. A laundry list of impeccable films. Also a list of movies which I was barely able to enjoy in theaters because of obnoxious talking during the showing. Just last night, while watching Atonement, I sat with a finger plugged in my right ear to block out the running commentary being provided to the rest of the moviegoers by a woman at the end of my row. This continued throughout the entire film. The woman went so far as to read the dates that appeared on screen, in the event that in addition to being blind, everyone present was also illiterate.

In addition to all the other exams we must take in this country to live everyday life, can there not also be a basic decency test administered to every person who desires to attend showings of movies in public theaters? Surely it is as necessary as the driver's test we all take at sixteen.

A Memo to everyone who goes to the movies: THIS IS NOT YOUR LIVING ROOM, DAMN IT! SHUT UP! WE DO NOT, IN ANY CAPACITY, ENJOY YOUR COMMENTARIES AND "CLEVER WITTICISMS." IF YOU FIND YOURSELF TEMPTED TO SPEAK ALOUD AT ANY POINT DURING THE NEXT MOVIE YOU ATTEND, PROMPTLY PROCEED TO THE PARKING LOT AND DART IN FRONT OF THE FIRST MOVING VEHICLE YOU SEE. THANK YOU.

I have reached a point where the likelihood of being surrounded by competent, understanding people in a movie theater is so low that I actually dislike going to see movies. What a shame this is. Arrgh!

Finally, a few points about movies I've seen recently.

* The best movie I saw last year or this is No Country for Old Men. If you didn't get, or didn't like the ending, you're dumb.

* My best picture candidates would be No Country for Old Men, Atonement, There Will Be Blood, The Darjeeling Limited, and Once. Honorable mention to Juno, Eastern Promises, Gone Baby Gone, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Death Proof.

*Sweeney Todd was good, but would have been much better had it not been a musical.

* It's been a long time (think De Niro in Raging Bull) since someone has given an acting performance as powerful as Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood.

* Philip Seymour Hoffman, one of my favorite actors, has been in three movies this year, to sparkling reviews. I have seen none of them. I am less of a person for this.

*2007-2008 is proof that cinema is safe with the current generation of powerful film-makers. Paul Thomas Anderson, Wes Anderson, David Cronenberg, Tarantino, Tim Burton, and the Coen Brothers are to thank.

Thanks for reading.